Once in a while my old dog Gorby speaks to me in a dream. He was my best friend for 12 years and I miss his insight on current events.
Well Gort I'm up here in dog heaven having a good time with my harem of Chelsea, Sandy and Sable. I kept an eye on the neighborhood while you were away and noticed a few things. Why did they change the shape of the dental floss containers? I know this has to bug you since we were both raised on a floss farm. I miss the days when we would raise the floss, wax it down and put it in a little white box that was sold uptown. That drunken monkey is running around the neighborhood again. Make sure you lock up the rum so we don't have repeat of what happened last time. Please keep him away from a typewriter. The last time a bunch of drunken monkeys got a hold of one they wrote a script for a Ben Afleck movie. The world suffered for that. How about that guy that wants dogs to wear seatbelts? Some village is missing a perfectly good idiot. All the pets are up in paws about this. Our neighbor Fritz made a good point. He is a retired Seeing Eye dog living on a small pension from the Lions Club. He didn't know where he would get the money to pay for it. He can't cut expenses anymore since he is already eating dog food. Tell Mrs. Gort that Lucky is his troublemaking self and let Social Butterfly know that Tyler ate my remote. I have to go now. I'm off to Spike's Chomp and Drool Tiki Bar. Sable is bartending tonight. She is truly a real bitch but she makes a great Alpo Daiquiri. And Chelsea looks hot in her new collar. She is such a fashion plate. I don't know where she gets the Milkbones to pay for it all. And some of the things she does when wearing her new rain coat is perverted.
11 hours ago