Happy Halloween

TO HELL WITH HALLOWEEN by Mean Old Man

I’m angrier than Michael Vick at a Dog Food Convention over the commie holiday of Halloween!! Every year my night of watching Wheel of Fortune and Family Feud reruns is ruined because groups of spoiled little runts come knocking at my door asking for candy or a dollar!! Whatever happened to kids pulling their own weight?!? In my day we had to celebrate Halloween too (I think the commie Teddy Roosevelt started the holiday), but at least then we didn’t have to fork out a thousand dollars for a costume. One year I went as the headless man; all I did was to push my shirt above my head and look through the peep holes to see where I was going. Sure I feel a few times and broke the eye glasses pops worked two weeks to pay for, and yeah, when I got home he gave me the licking of my life, but I loved it!!!!

Kids have it too easy today and they want everything handed to them! Hell, I remember my own two losers dragging me to the Miracle Mart back in the sixties to get them a dumb pre made costume (you all remember, the kind of costumes that you could use to stoke the ol’ furnace when you ran out of paper). My stupid son Clay made me get him a Lone Ranger costume. I can still see the look in his pre-Commie eyes when I told him that he could never be mistaken for the Lone Ranger because the Lone Ranger was a real man—I even told him that he couldn’t even pass for Tonto on his best day! Sure the kid cried all the way home, but he got an important lesson—don’t try to be what you can’t!! OF course, he started playing all those damned Beatle albums a few years later and grew his hair long (maybe he was Tonto after all). All Halloween does is remind me of what failures my kids have been to me and how a father’s love can only go so far. Damn!!!

And what is it with these big kids Halloweening? Last year I opened my door and some huge loser runt with a goatee was standing there wanting candy (no doubt, to sell for drug money). I told him that if he didn’t get off my porch I’d give him a Smith and Wesson candy bar!!! You should have seen the hack take off like Hillary Clinton from a Chippendale’s convention!!
In my day we went out till we were about seven and then the fun was over!! You got your butt out of bed and went straight to the foundry or the mine pit—and you were glad to have a job!!! Now all these damned kids want is to be coddled and nursed—Hell, some of them stay at home forever. I kicked my two losers out once ol’ Uncle Sam said I legally could.

Well, I gotta end it here; those three jerky grandkids of mine are coming over and I have to take them out to all of the Commie houses for foreign made candy. I think my harlot granddaughter is going as Hillary Clinton—as you can see I’m in for a great night. Damn!!!

So all you Che Guevara, Chairman Mao worshipping lefties have a great Halloween—Hell, maybe Dennis Kucinich will come to your door disguised as a “man” and you can give him some of your hard earned cash so he can become President and tell you how to live your life!!

As for me, after I get the little grandrunts back to the ol’ homestead, I’m popping open a Steg, putting on a little Dean Martin, later put some Matlock on the ol’ TV and pretending I’m deaf when the Bolsheviks come knocking at my door! Happy Halloween and go to Hell! I hate you all!!!!