Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Holiday greetings from the mean one

From the backwoods of Luzerne County I received this message of peace.

ENJOY YOUR CHRISTMAS, IF HILLARY'S ELECTED IT WILL BE YOUR LAST!!!

By Mean Old Man

I'm angrier than Britney Spears in a rehab center over the fact that this may be the very last year that all God fearing Christians can celebrate the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ! When the Lezbo-Nazi Hillary Clinton becomes President next year you may as well not bother fetching the ol' ax to chop down your Christmas tree or sifting out the tree lights from the attic because Madam President will have declared anyone caught celebrating the sacred holiday of Christmas to be considered an insurgent. Damn!!!!

And don't even attempt to put decorations in your windows or lights on your house--you'll probably be arrested for wasting energy (after all, the commie hippies need all the electric power they can muster for all those PETA, MOVE ON.ORG and Greenpeace meetings). Al Gore will probably be Secretary of Energy, selling his goofy environmental book and video (no doubt, a mandatory purchase); oh well, what more can you expect when a woman takes power. As I told the Missus, if the computer savvy college boy liberals hadn't stolen last year's election from our Sainted Sen. Santorum, ol' Rick would be leading this year's pack of GOP candidates and would have been our next President. Damn!!!

Women today have it too easy and they have gotten lazy. In my day a woman knew her place and it wasn't in the White House, unless one was "lucky" enough to be dating FDR. And speaking of Mr. Big Government, none of this crap would have happened if FDR had been man enough to keep his wife Eleanor in the White House kitchen where she belonged. But instead he was a henpecked sap who kept his mouth shut while she raised up a whole army of commie women who were hell bent on taking over and ruining all of the fun for the true women. Even my wife Thelma Jean was taken in; for years she was happy using the ol' wringer washer--you threw the clothes in and when they were done you took 'em out and ran 'em through the sprockets to wring the water out. Sometimes your fingers would get caught in the sprockets and it hurt like hell--sometimes the little woman would even lose a finger or two, but she loved it!!! And it sure was a lot better compared to heading down to the creek to beat clothes off of rocks!! Then some Commie invents a washer that does the whole job on its own (putting women on the road to Bon Bon Avenue in Lazytown) and every woman wants one. Damn!!! I wouldn't have even bought her one except for the fact that she probably would have cracked my skull with her trusty pie roller, had I refused. Of course, all of that mushroomed into her wanting a electric oven (as if the trusty ol' coal stove wasn't good enough), a self defrosting fridge and on and on. I drew the line at an electric can opener and still bear the scar on my forehead for that dumb decision!! Thanks a lot commies!!!

The whole country is going to go down hill once Hillary is President. Every woman is going to be wearing those Chinese Commie pant suits and cutting their hair short. Hey, just because Hillary and her spawns wanted to be born as men and weren't ain't my fault--they should complain to God; though that would be a hard sell since they don't even believe in God!!!
So all you Commies enjoy this Christmas; I'm sure that next year Hillary will probably come to your place with Bin Laden, Castro and Kofi Annan and you can all sing "Happy Days Are Here Again" as they're tearing down your Christmas tree and ticketing you for illegal use of electricity. As for me, I'll be sitting next to the fire with my trusty rifle sipping on a Steg, lighting up a Lucky Strike and listening to "Silent Night" by the great Andy Williams; throwing in a little John Philip Sousa for good measure. Hell, with the shape my country's going to end up in, we could all use some real American music!!

Now to show the goodness in my heart I am announcing the gifts that Thelma Jean and I are buying for some of the citizens of Bloggerville.

GORT: THE COMPLETE WORKS OF KARL MARX

DR. RICK: THE HARDCOVER VERSION OF HILLARY CLINTON'S "IT TAKES A VILLAGE"

ABOVE AVERAGE JANE: A PAIR OF HAND WOVEN POT HOLDERS (COURTESY OF THELMA JEAN); EVERY WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ONE WHILE WORKING IN THE KITCHEN (WHERE THEY BELONG)

All you remaining commie know nothings can wait for the rest of the list (I'll let you in on a little secret), DON'T HOLD YOUR BREATH!!!

Have fun you heathens; enjoy your Christmas; enjoy your electric power; and ladies, enjoy your long hair and dresses before it all comes to an end next year; twirphead morons!!! Damn You! I hate you all!!!!


PEACE ON EARTH AND GOODWILL TOWARD MEN.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

This is great Gort. I'm watching Boston Legal, I think the Mean Old Man is a mix of Archie Bunker and Denny Crane.

Anonymous said...

IF THIS GUY IS SO ANGRY AT BLOGGERS AND EVERYTHING ELSE IN THE WORLD THEN WHY DOES HE ALWAYS POST? THIS GETS ON MY NERVES.

Anonymous said...

sat·ire –noun

1. the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc.

2. a literary composition, in verse or prose, in which human folly and vice are held up to scorn, derision, or ridicule.

3. a literary genre comprising such compositions.

Michelle D said...

Unrelated, sort of, but I heard on the news today that Britney's sister, who is 16 is now pregnant. She has a show on Nickelodian. What kind of role model on impressionable youth is any of the Spears girls I ask??!??!!

AboveAvgJane said...

M. O. M.,

Hey! Thanks! I hope you checked to make sure there is thermal insulation on the pot holders, otherwise you still burn your hands. But you guessed correctly. I do have a decided weakness for kitchen and table linens. And it's just in time for casserole weather too, when I'm baking more. Do you remember the color? Oh, never mind, anything is fine. But now I'm really into the Christmas spirit. Were they mits or the regular squares, or those in between things with the pocket for your hand? Is there a loop if I want to hang it on a hook? Crocheted or quilted? And I can't even open them for FOUR MORE DAYS!!! Remind me, M. O. M. what your favorite cookies are and if Gort will hand over your address I'll send you some. Thanks!