Thursday, May 01, 2008

Jury Duty


I have Jury Duty next week at the the Penn Plaza building in Wilkes-Barre which houses the chambers of some of our more newsworthy Luzerne County jurists.
.
I hope I get a trial like this one:
.
Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grand motherly, elderly woman to the stand.

He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie; you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
.
] The lawyer was stunned!
.
Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."

The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said,
"If either of you f***ng idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair"

7 comments:

Forrest Gump said...

How the hell do you get picked for jury duty? It can't be random. I've been a registered voter and taxpayer in Luzerne county since I was 18 (24 years ago)!!! I have never been picked. I talk to so many friends who have been chosen more than once and others who will do anything to get out of it and I am dying to take part. Any suggestions out there?

Rain Man said...

Forrest,

I don't know if I am correct, but this is what I have heard. In the past jurors were picked by the names on the voting rolls. Then about 10 years ago?, it was switched to picking jurors from a list of licenced drivers. If this is true they are now picking from a bigger pool and it might even be harder to be picked now. I had jury duty once about 15 years ago, and I do think it was an interesting experience and I'm glad I had it. I hope you get your chance

Rain Man said...

P.S.
I also got picked for a case as a juror on the first day of reporting and reported to the court room the next day for the case. That helped make the experience enjoyable. Some people had to sit there all week and did not get picked. I hope you get picked Gort and I hope you enjoy the experience.

Zen said...

who was the comic that said "that's just what I want, 9 people that are not smart enough to get out of jury duty deciding my fate".

Chris said...

I was sent the jury duty form and told to call up the day before....didn't get picked. :( I would like to go through the process at least once in my life.

Anonymous said...

Have Fun dude, take a book.

Anonymous said...

At least I'm not the only soul out there who wants to do jury duty too! The family lawyers told me is you have to be registered to vote, but it does seem those who don't want to be picked are picked and those who want to serve aren't. At least I could get caught up on my reading.
Someday my friend, someday.

~Sassy