Saturday, February 14, 2009

A True Romantic

A guest post.


A Valentines Day Message from Mean Old Man

I’m madder than Rod Blagojevich at a wiretappers convention over the fact that the stupid commie holiday of Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, yet again!!!

Of course, all of the dimwit Valentine products have been in the stores since around Labor Day, so I doubt that any guy who values his life can get away without buying a gift. My goofy sons Harlan and Clay will be out and about, buying roses, candy and theater tickets that they really can’t afford, just so their Jezebel wives will know that they still have loving husbands. What a bunch of tripe!!! In my day your wife knew you loved her because you were good enough to put a ring on her finger to save her from the shame of being an old maid at 17! Take that all you commie losers!!!!

And a woman was happy just being a housewife; you didn’t have this “career woman” poppycock!!! Though, in my day newly married women did want careers too. When Thelma Jean and me got home from the church on our wedding day (we didn’t waste time with sissy receptions and honeymoon trips back then) I opened up the kitchen closet and gave her the gift every woman needs---a mop and a pail. Lucky ol’ gal got the best of both worlds, a wedding present and a career all at once!

Of course, the liberal, Wall Street snobs who read this dumb blog probably think that everything that I have said so far is offensive. To hell with them!!! They don’t know me at all. If they think that I hate women or disrespect them, they better think again. As our sainted American President Ronald Reagan once said, “If it weren’t for the little ladies, we men would all still be living in caves.” (Ol’ Gloria Steinham nearly had a stroke when Ronnie spoke those pearls of wisdom back in the day---serves her right!!!).

As far as I’m concerned, God created Man and then woman. The Man was to be the hunter and provider and the woman was to clean the house, cook the food and bear the children in pain. How can anyone argue with such a brilliant system!

But for years we’ve had this dumb holiday celebrating St. Valentine (who by the way, was an imprisoned subversive and one of the founding fathers of the Communist Party) to empty the pockets of every man in the civilized world.

Then there’s the hypocrisy of the feminists. They cry and whine about how they want to be equal to us men, but then they go ballistic if their husband doesn't wine and dine them on Valentine's Day. They scream about how they don't want to be viewed as sex objects, yet they have their husband buy them perverted lingerie (which consists of not even enough material to dress up one of the horseflies in my barn). I often tell my wife Thelma Jean that she would look good in a potato sack (and there were some lean years which that was all she actually had to wear!); but, of course, that's not good enough for today's loose women.

OF course, the height of the hypocrisy is the days and weeks before this ridiculous holiday. Every husband out there knows the truth of what I'm about to say: Your wife will keep telling you, "Don't get me anything this year, money's tight and we could use it for something more sensible"---GOD HELP YOU IF YOU DON'T GET HER ANYTHING!!! (The above scenario applies also to Birthdays, Christmas, and most of all, ANNIVERSARIES).

So, I call on our new President, Barack Obama, to do the men of America a good turn. Mr. President, you have basically thrown government into every aspect of my private life anyway; my banking, my smoking (Camels are the best!), and on and on and on. Why not go the distance; make a national address to the nation; outlaw St.Valentines Day, citing your liberal separation of church and state doctrine. For once, I will be in agreement with you, along with every God fearing, beef eating, cigarette smoking, beer drinking man in the good ol' USA!!!

To Hell with Gort, to Hell with liberalism, to Hell with a dozen roses that cost more than six months of feed for my chickens does, and most of all, to Hell with Gloria Steinham and Valentines Day!!!! I hate you all!!!!!


Anonymous said...

Valentine founded the Communist party? Good stuff!! I agree about the price of roses.

Karl said...

Agreed completely. If made into a petition on say,, I'd sign it.