Saturday, October 31, 2009

Happy Halloween

By Mean Old Man

Once again it’s time for the Godless holiday of Halloween and I ain’t my usual happy self!!! Every year I have to put up with juvenile delinquent thugs roaming my neck of the woods. And to top it off, since the liberals have put my hero Judge Mark Ciavarella out of commission, there’s going to be even more of the useless punks this year. Damn!!!

In my day kids went trick or treating too; but we had respect for our elders and knew our place. And let me tell you, on a good night you were lucky to get a few candy bars (which the old man usually confiscated for “our own good”) and maybe a couple of pennies. But not today; the spoiled spawns of the hip hop crowd want money, and lots of it, too!!! I remember one Halloween when Thelma Jean made me keep the front porch light on and one midget degenerate dirt bag came to the door. I threw a few tiny packages of M&M’s (now there’s a good candy) into his dirty bag. He looked at me puzzled, asking “Doncha have any dead Presidents, dude?”

I told him that I did not, but that I probably had a rifle or a revolver or two of the kind that may have been used to off some of our Presidents if he’d like to try me. You should have seen the look on the goofs face. It was worth having to let all of the others in my door! He turned as white as chalk and ran away. I think some of the other dumbbell trick or treaters thought that he was masquerading as Casper. That was a fun year.

But now, what with the way our new President has outspent us and ruined our economy (remember how great things were when ol’ GW was in office?) I expect there will be even more mongrels out trying to get their hands on my hard earned money. They’re wasting their time!!!

So, let me give all you Halloweeners a message: Since most of you would still be in the slammer had our esteemed Judge Ciavarella not been railroaded by the press, the Obama Justice Department, and the blogger Gort, why don’t you all get out of my white hair and go to their houses instead. I’m sure that Gort would be happy to greet you at his doorway. Yeah, right!!! Show up anyway; hell, maybe he’ll even give you a first edition copy of The Complete Writings of Chairman Mao. Bet you’ll love that!!!

As for me, I’ll be sitting in my easy chair, smoking a Lucky, having a few bottles of Steg and listening to the soothing sounds of Eddie Fischer singing “Oh My Papa”. I always think of Pops every Halloween. He was a great guy; he taught me to hate the holiday and kids, too. I miss him a lot.

Happy Halloween; go to Hell!!! And don’t forget to stop at all the bloggers homes; just stay away from mine!!! I hate you all!!!!!!


Anonymous said...

Great one and it wont rot your teeth

Anonymous said...

I have a Ted Kennedy mask and I'm going to the Mean Old Man's house dressed as a Liberal and see how strong his heart is. I may even invite him to take a ride over the market St Bridge with me. I wonder if I give him Exlax in a Hershey wrapper, would it make him shit that nastyness away? Hell, do I really want him to shit that nastyness away? Naw, we need the old geezer just to keep the playing field level.

Mrs. G said...

Mean Old Man,

Did you ever think that those poor trick-or-treaters have to go out and try to get some money to support the drug, alcohol and nicotine habits of their parents? They are probably forced to do this. Would you dress in a ridiculous outfit and sing and dance just for a piece of candy and some pennies, especially when your parents (most likely single parent) are going to confiscate it anyway? Maybe you should fill their trick-or-treat bags with some Luckys and Stegs next year.