Happy Halloween

A guest post.





TO HELL WITH HALLOWEEN; BEING A LITTLE KID IS NOT ABOUT HAVING FUN!!!!



By Mean Old Man




I’m sicker than Bill Clinton’s mind over the fact that every October 31st my evening of television is ruined by the pagan ritual of Halloween!!!
In my day we had Halloween too; but my pals and me didn’t dress up in sissy costumes going door to door begging for candy and having to do some sissy sing song routine that would put ol’ Al Jolson to shame. We celebrated the damned holiday by doing something that is foreign to today's kids: WORKING!!!



I remember my old man telling me that if any of my buddies came to his door on Halloween night that he would make sure they would walk away with "a treat they would never forget—a load of buckshot in their behinds!" Good ol’ Pops, he really had a great sense of humor; I miss him a lot.


Kids today don't know anything about respect. A couple of years back when (on Thelma Jean's orders) I last took in trick or treaters, it wasn't just little kids at the door--it was their damned parents too!! This moron yuppie couple had their little daughter in my living room singing some stupid show tune and all the while the poor little kid is shaking in her slippers, tears coming down her eyes, while her two parents are standing there beaming with pride as if she's some sort of Judy Garland or something. And the liberals call a whack on the butt of a delinquent snot nosed kid child abuse??? Damn!!!



And what about these punk teenagers coming to the door, what with their beards and baggy pants. Hell, some of them don't even attempt to wear a costume. I remember last year one of them got ticked off because I gave him a small Kit Kat Bar ( Kit Kats are the best!!!), but the punk wanted money (no doubt to go and score some drugs at the mini mart). He thought that since I was old he could finagle me. Well, you should have seen him running down the road faster than a jackrabbit after he stares down the barrel of my classic Smith & Wesson Buffalo Bill Edition rifle. My missus can really strike a pose when she has that great American piece of machinery in her arms, that's for sure!!!



Instead of acting like sissies, why don't these punks do something worthwhile; like getting a job!! These kids have it too easy today and their parents are always coddling them. I remember telling my two runts Josh and Clay that if they thought that I was going to splurge some of my hard earned money on subversive pagan costumes that they had another thing coming. Like my old man told me, " Halloween is for rich snobby kids; not real American kids!" Being a kid is not about having fun; it's about learning to respect your elders and suffering a little bit!!!!
So all you snot nosed liberals, you and your kids enjoy your Halloween, enjoy your Chinese poisoned candy, enjoy your kids' stupid singing recitals. As for me, I'll be sitting by the fire, sipping on a bottle of Steg with a lucky in my other hand, watching Wheel of Fortune. Just do an old vet one little favor; STAY AWAY FROM MY DOOR!!! I hate you all!!!!