Tuesday, June 06, 2006

How do I protect myself against gay marriage?

Pissed off Patricia gave me some suggestions.

Wardrobe! If I wear crazy clothes maybe they will leave me alone.

After work tonight I put on my best plaid Bermuda shorts with sandals and knee high black socks and a Metallica t-shirt. Then I took the dog for a walk. The two evil women down the street (so called life partners and they may want to get married) saw us and suggested we were hot and offered me a glass of lemonade and gave the dog a bowl of cold water. I refused the lemonade but I couldn't deny the dog a drink. What evil people would try to seduce me like that? For some reason when I wear this outfit my niece refuses to go to to the mall with me, go figure?

Tomorrow I have a big day at work. Instead of wearing the blue suit with the matching tie that Mrs. G picked out I'm thinking of wearing a striped shirt with the polka-dot tie and my tweed jacket with the patches on the arms just so I can ward off that guy that I think is gay. I know he must be gay because when I mentioned that I couldn't take my Mom to an appointment he volunteered to take her. What an evil person. I'm afraid of these people. They may redecorate my house or something.

As Patricia suggested I locked up my marriage license and bought some duct tape.

On a more serious note. Don't these guys have something more important to do (there's a war on, the budget is out of control, etc.) then try to amend the Constitution to restrict the rights of our fellow citizens. We have a federal system that has always left certain powers to the states. Marriage being one of them. I agree that this question should not be decided in the the courts but in the state legislatures.

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