Saturday, June 14, 2008

Happy Fathers Day


An exclusive Father’s Day message by Mean Old Man

I’m angrier than Barack Obama at a bowling tournament over the way today’s so called fathers have become such a bunch of panty wastes!! The other day, I was taking a brisk walk around my goofy son Clay’s neighborhood (Thelma Jean and I went to his house for dinner [no doubt, the meal was bought pre-prepared at one of those commie grocery stores] and I needed to get away from my screechy voiced daughter in law) when I saw a sight that made my jaw drop. This guy is toting this little runt around in a carriage!! I swear I nearly dropped from a stroke!!! Of course, I shouldn’t have been surprised since this feminizing of fathers has been going on little by little for the past twenty years—and now It’s too late to do anything about it.

I remember my old man; Pops was something else. For one thing, he wouldn’t have been caught dead pushing me in a baby carriage. Fact is, the closest pops came to that was when I was on my tricycle in front of a barrel of beer bottles at the lodge picnic and Ol' Pop’s pushed me out of the way to grab a beer to cool his dry throat. I ended up speeding downhill faster than Dale Earnhardt Jr. and straight into a pile of folding chairs. All of the chairs fell on top of me (good ol’ hardwood American Made chairs, not the commie plastic stuff you have today); I had a gash on my head the size of a steer and my foot was so swollen that I couldn’t walk on it for two weeks. I cried myself to sleep that night from the pain. God, how I miss those days, and how I miss my Pop. What a guy!!!! But don't even dare try to show a little runt today the joys of pain; just whack one of them slightly on the backside and you'll be in a state prison for 25 years. Thanks liberals---DAMN!!!!!

Dads have made it easy on their wives today and they have no idea what Fathers Day is all about. Of course, the commies at N.O.W. wouldn't have it any other way. When those subversive broads were talking about the ERA years ago what they really meant was equal rights for WOMEN ONLY!!! Whatever happened to the days when a woman appreciated a good ol' ironing board at Christmas, or a new pot holder for her birthday?? Now, it's the guy who gets these woman's gifts--and in my America that just isn't right!!!

When I put a wedding band on my lovely Thelma Jean she had only one thing to worry about; having kids and taking care of them and cleaning the house and making sure my dinner was on the table after work. Okay, that's more than one thing, but shut up!!! Women today want it all; they want jobs and equality and all the perks that used to belong to the man of the house. Damn!!!!

So, all you prissy fathers out there, how about getting yourselves a bit of guts and tell the little woman to quit her job, get rid of the Hillary Clinton pant suits and learn how to cook!!! Then maybe you yourselves can put the pants on and go out and find a real man's job--not sissy househusbandry.

To all the manly men out there, have a Happy Father's Day. If you raised your kids the right way like I did, then I doubt they are coming over the house to see you (damned ungrateful hippies!); but do as I do; take a seat in your easy chair, pop open a Steg, light a lucky, and put the mellow sounds of Andy Williams on the ol' victrola. As for the sissy househusband fathers (?) out there, well, I'm sure you'll be too busy cooking and cleaning to enjoy the day.

Happy Father's Day Schmucks! I hate you all!!!!

P.S. If anyone tells Thelma Jean about this column, you're going to get it!!!!!!!!


NEPAConservative said...

I get the same thing every fathers day...Steak and a "censored"

NEPAConservative said...

Also I get to shovel dirt,mulch and plant shrubs tomorrow...Happy fathers day !!!

Jacq said...

Hope you had a Happy Father's Day, Gort.